Wow. How fast time passes. I think about this blog on a regular basis, but in effort to get life on a steady track of normalcy, I continuously forget as soon as I sit down to a computer. So no more excuses as I’m on my way to work, here is another post.
As this moment I will admit I am poor. In money, not people. Sometimes it works out where after I pay rent and purchase a metropass I have to go two weeks, on just $20 unless I have save enough from the first pay check of the month. I ran out 2 days ago and I still have another day to go. So the excitement I felt when I saw in an old bank account there remained $4.43 was as if I just won $40000 in a local lotto. I took in this moment of happiness. Every second kept that smile. See when moments get rough I eat sugar. Endless amounts of it, as I try to sort it all again.
Since I have no money to purchase anything high in sugar, I’m being forced to face to cravings of my body crying for sugar and the heightened symptoms of Tourette’s and OCD. Let’s not forget the chest pain! Imagine someone batting a baseball and instead of you catching it, it nails you in the centre of your chest.
It is at this point where I start to think where did I wrong? I’m fighting hard to find a second job so I can go back to school, which will eventually lead to a real day job. I’m fighting really hard. Now, to top it all, the rejection of finding apartments, that assume and judge that we cant pay due to our financial needs is becoming too much. (I’m moving in with my bf and his brother; they are students, but one is working co-op; we would end up all paying less rent, some don’t think that way)
Rejection rejection rejection.
I lay in bed thinking to myself what did I forget to tap, what did I through out that if I still had, would have made things turn out differently.
I know one day things will change. People who fight and work hard and remain good people always come out on top.
I just can’t think of what ritual, at what point in time made the path so bumpy. Figure that out go back and fix it, and all will be good. Yes?